What’s in your bag? -Cojones (UPDATED)

Much has been said about our newfound ability to tell which items are hidden inside a white supermarket bag. It has been etched into dozens of cartoons by almost all of our satire cartoonists. A commonplace joke that describes the loony state of mind in which we are thanks to scarcity, and all the crazy campaigns by the government to have us in…

The Church of Hugo: A business approach

On the second anniversary of his, erm, sowing, I couldn’t help but reflect back on this story. About a year ago, I had to represent a client —a Canadian company— before a public institution. “Represent” is not quite the word though, it was more like interpreting, decoding, and tearing apart a business deal. A representative from…

Maduro’s Reciprocity School: An Eye for a Nail

Bad news for our dear gringo friends, particularly those who have a death wish and were planning to travel to Venezuela in the near future: the Maduro administration will require US citizens to apply for (tourist) visas before entering Venezuelan territory. This measure is part of a (sort of) diplomatic retaliation package thoroughly crafted by Nicolas Maduro to get back to…

Ledezma Snatched by SEBIN

Twitter just lit up with reports of a SEBIN squad forcing their way into Antonio Ledezma’s office in el Rosal. Ledezma is the metropolitan mayor of Caracas, a post invented by chavismo to sort of oversee all the municipalities that integrate the city. After losing this stewardship to the opposition they have been trying to strip it from…

The Bodyguard

On Monday afternoon, rumors started building on a story that would headline the Spanish newspaper, ABC, on Tuesday: “Security Chief of Chavista number 2 flees to the US and acuses him of drug smuggling.” By Chavista number 2 —you may not agree— the reporter, ABC’s Washington correspondent Emili J. Blasco, meant the President of the National Assembly,…

Deconstructing Capriles

(Apologies for the source of the above video, it was the only version available on YouTube) The bloggers of Caracas Chronicles held a cyber-conversation on today’s announcement by Henrique Capriles, where he abandoned infighting within the opposition and called for unity together with increased street pressure on the government. Juan C: So … main takeaways? To…

The Week in Bullets

National Hoodlum’s Vacation On January 3rd the government was expected to announce the new economic measures for 2015. During that day we received a bunch of messages regarding the manner in which the government would inform the public. First, Maduro was going to drop the bomb all by himself. Later, we were told there were going to…

1-800-SNITCH

We dangle the word “Facho” (slang for fascist) quite easily. It’s a quick way to refer to certain individuals in the government who act as – how to put it nicely? – psychotic bullies. Sometimes, the term just fits. From the top of my head, some examples of chavista facho moments:  Chávez firing thousands of workers from PDVSA during his live TV…

The four faces of Godfinger

Earlier this week, chavismo’s hippest Troll Princess posted four pictures on Instagram showing four sides of her family. There’s no doubt she was engineered just to patch up her dad’s public face and present him as an approachable fella’. In these pics, we can see the almighty President of the National Assembly, Diosdado Cabello, wearing an apron and just goofin’…

The Week in Bullets

God-finger Remember the good old days when the problem was that Venezuelan food was rotting in the ports? Yeah, at least then we had food. PDVAL was the state-owned company at the center of all food supply scandals. After a while, PDVAL disappeared from the front pages. It seems as if the government wants to relaunch…

The Week in Bullets

(Written in conjunction with Juan C.) Outbreak You know those silly Hollywood movies about a mysterious illness breaking out in a small-knit community, the massive quarantines, the government’s attempts to silence those speaking out, and the ultimate spread of the disease? Yeah, that never happens. Transformers Maduro said he wanted the new Economics Vice-President to write…