The Week in Bullets

(Written in conjunction with Juan C.)Tareck

  • Outbreak

You know those silly Hollywood movies about a mysterious illness breaking out in a small-knit community, the massive quarantines, the government’s attempts to silence those speaking out, and the ultimate spread of the disease? Yeah, that never happens.

  • Transformers

Maduro said he wanted the new Economics Vice-President to write a “manual” on how to transform Venezuela into an exporter. The manual should include a recipe, as in: Step 1) stop doing everything that you’re doing. As soon as he finished saying this, he extended the whole “closing-the-border-with-Colombia” scheme, blissfully unaware of his own internal contradictions.

  • The Sting

While everybody was running around like their butts were on fire with this week’s news about Citgo’s sale, Hinterlaces, your friendly chavista PR-firm-passing-for-a-polling-company, published a tweet saying that the deal was signed a month ago. We can move on, there is nothing to debate here anymore.

  • Inside Job

Many renowned economists have been speculating on the possibilty that perhaps the reason why the Venezuelan Central Bank hadn’t published the numbers on inflation and let three months go by was because they weren’t sure about the recipe to properly cook the country’s books. Well, they finally published the figures, and guess what? It reeks of mama’s chicken cacerole.

  • Witness for the Prosecution

And nothing else … Leopoldo López’s sham trial continued, with the defense unable to present any evidence to, you know, actually defend him.

  • Seven

As if we weren’t already dealing with enough, it seems we have a serial killer (or several) in our hands!

  • The vanishing

Just as members of the PSUV were investigating who got Cadivi dollars in the last few years, the Cencoex page has ceased showing past information. The Cadivi page has stopped working. Pretty soon, the government will say that Cadivi never existed, that it was all a right-wing conspiracy.

  • Richard III

While the traditional media has been gagged, Venezuela has become quite fertile for conspiracy theorists. Sometimes, though, we need to take some of these seriously. Case in point: Prodavinci just published an article by the seriously-well-sourced oil-focused journalist Mariana Párraga who throws around a theory on what’s going on with Ramirez. According to Parraga, Ramirez may be pulling an Underwood to get closer to a long-sought presidential candidacy, just in case Nicolás Maduro’s government implodes.

"I pray to myself, for myself."

“I pray to myself, for myself.”

29 thoughts on “The Week in Bullets

  1. Wow, is that Ebola? First we have the resurgence of Malaria, and now Ebola. What’s next, Bubonic Plague?

    I don’t think I will even tell my wife, she is tired of hearing about Venezuela. She is totally emotionally spent on Venezuela and even hearing about it just tires her… I don’t know how many other Venezuelan expats this is happening to, it’s hard to know because they are of course not going to be commenting here. The last time she was excited or interested was the last presidential election, so I don’t think I will even bother mentioning these stories to her. I think she prefers to keep a Venezuela of childhood memories and pretend the country as such no longer exists.

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  2. Well I think that at this point a Walking Dead type of apocalypse happening in Venezuela is actually a step up. Think about it, the streets would be safer, the fights for food and supplies would be less violent and more importantly, no cadenas!

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    • No. No. You’re very wrong here. There would be a 24/7 cadena on how the streets are NOW completely safe, the food lines are NOW only a quarter of a mile long, and the morgues are NOW completely empty! (Like the black plague of the middle ages the bodies are now hurled into gigantic pits without any cameras being present) Paradise on earth! That would surely call for a continuous cadena…..

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      • You got the best laugh of the week for me..when the zombie apocalypse comes Maduro will triumphantly cadena that the morgues are now empty. (Never mind the widespread sensation of cannabalism. )

        Also Chavez would again be the commandante… his speaches would make more sense and be much more concise. His die hard followers would be little changed.

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  3. What else did you expect from one of the biggest douchebags in the regime, only second to diablodiado in terms of being the most hated person in this country?

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  4. Surprised there is not a bullet noting the demise of Hugo Carvajal at the Tamanaca and his subsequent resurrection, or not.

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  5. Minor nit to pick:
    “Many rennouned economists have been speculating” should read Many RENOWNED …….

    Unless the economists in question got their nouns replenished at the noun store

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  6. I was hoping to see something mentioned about the latest IVAD poll results (http://puzkas.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Ivadagostotracking.pdf) and the small spin Noticias24/JVR did on them (http://www.noticias24.com/venezuela/noticia/255297/ivad-gobierno-del-presidente-nicolas-maduro-goza-de-543-de-aceptacion/).

    El periodista José Vicente Rangel dijo que según un estudio de opinión del Instituto Venezolano de Análisis de Datos (Ivad), *realizado en el estado Carabobo* entre el 22 y 31 de agosto de 2014, la gestión de gobierno de Nicolás Maduro como presidente de Venezuela tiene una aceptación 54,3 %.

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  7. Regarding the “outbreak”, point taken, the governments response is pathetic and the state of the medical system is a disaster

    All I have to add is hemorrhagic fevers are not something new and it should probably not be compared to the ebola crisis in Africa, see for instance: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Venezuelan_hemorrhagic_fever

    The potential threat if this is being transmitted from person to person is of course undeniable.

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